First blog post

This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.



Waiting !

Waiting is a fact of life.  
No matter who you are, what you are doing or where you are, invariably you will at some point have to wait for something. Change, traffic lights or pedestrians are just a few of the things we all wait for.  
Waiting for tests and the inevitable results is something I get lots of practise with. At the moment, I have quite a few medical issues on the go.  Waiting on uncomfortable chairs in very bland rooms is second nature to me these days.  How do I deal with the endless hours of waiting for my name to be called ?
To start with I used to take news papers to read.   This didn’t last long as I could not get comfortable whilst trying to focus on whatever it was I was reading.   Books were a little easier to manage but I found carrying a book for department to department a little awkward.  I also found that my was called just as I was reading an exciting part of the story which I reluctantly had to put down until the next time.   Eventually I found that finding a chair in a corner and leaning against the wall with my eyes shut is the best way to handle the waiting.  It’s not exactly the most comfortable position to be in so I don’t actually fall asleep and I also found that others in the waiting area lower the noise level dramatically.  
So that’s how I deal with waiting for appointments.  

Do you have any tricks or what do you do when in waiting areas ? 
So, I’ve had the tests and now I’m waiting for results.  This is a strange situation. Some tests let you have the results or initial findings immediately, tests such as angiograms. This can help alieviate some fears they may be bounding around someone’s head.  
How do you deal with waiting for the postal results ? How long do you wait until you call the clinics and ask if the results are back yet ? 
I’m pretty good these days at waiting for these results. Sure there are times when, depending on what test I have had, I get a little frustrated with the apparent lack of process.   Quite a while ago I realised that doctors, consultants and secretaries will dictate and write the reports when they get round to it. No amount of phone calls chasing results is going to make things go any quicker.  Once I realised I’m in the time scale of whatever consultant or surgeon I am under then the waiting becomes easier. 
Telephone results are the strangest to wait for.  For example, a visit to the anticoagulant clinic results in a request to have bloods taken.   I am told that the results will be back the same day about 3pm.  If the results show I need to stop a certain drug then I will receive a phone call the same day letting me know.  If I don’t receive a phone call then everything is ok and carry on as normal.   So, what do you do in this instance ? Your waiting for a phone call that may never happen. How many of us will be stressing, looking at the phone, willing it to ring ? You try to carry on as normal, but for some reason you become hesitant, you delay in doing tasks that may move you away from your phone. Washing up is a prime example.  
Now concider this, at what point when, you haven’t received a phone call, do you start to relax, thinking that the clinic or department is now closed ? That is the one thing that gets to me.  I don’t like waiting for a phone call that may never happen.  I get cranky, annoyed and irritable ( it’s a good job Suzanne isn’t always around whilst I’m waiting lol ) 
When I learn how to deal with waiting for these results I’ll be ok, until then I’ll continue to be cranky.   
Do you have any tips for waiting for telephone results ? 

How do you cope with waiting areas ? 

Let me know your views and tips.   

Blogging, why I blog !

I’ve had to take a break from a lot of things, including blogging, due to house move, work, hospital and doctors appointments but now I’m back. 
During this break, I realised I missed doing certain things.
Reading, I owe Paul E Bailey an apology as I haven’t had chance to co tongue proof reading his novel ( what I have read is brilliant by the way ) I have missed reading every bodies blogs, poems and short stories.  I packed the book I was reading into a box and now I can’t remember which box I put it in. 
Watching films and TV shows. I love to sit on my days off and watch a film or catch up on The Walking Dead or begin to watch West World.   
The thing I have missed the most though, is actually writing. I suppose I should describe how I got into blogging.  
I have mentioned Paul E Bailey earlier and this is all down to him.  I proof read the first edit of his novel. I enjoyed being trusted to read someone’s creation and offer opinions and suggestions. During our talks about his book, I got on about I don’t know where he got his ideas from.  He had mentioned other things he had written but never got round to doing anything with. He and his friends idea for a TV Show was talked about.  When he se up his word press account I followed suit, I want to get Paul’s writing out there.  I shared his blogs, even though I had no followers.  I commented on all his posts.  I was amazed by his first blogs, introducing himself and what his dreams are.  I shared the posts on Facebook.  I offered support and opinions. 
It was at this point that Paul suggested I should try and write a blog.  Paul said that I was an intelligent bloke and a business man so I would have plenty to talk about.  That was in August, it took me until the beginning of October to write my first post.  The subject was an idea I had toyed with for many years but never could get the format right.   Whilst writing, it seemed easy to put into blog form, asking questions of the reader and going deeper with my feelings than I had previously thought about.  The blog format worked and I followed up with a second post come ntinuing the topic. 

So far, my posts have all been very much personal.  I have had so much gone on in my life that writing personal stuff comes easy.  I’m sure there will be non personal posts to come in the future. 
So, Mr Paul E Bailey, as I have said to you previously, thank you for opening my eyes and my mind to this amazing world.   You have unleashed a beast. 

Music that means something to me. 

This is in response to fellow blogger Paul E Bailey’s blog about his top five music tracks that mean something to him.  Follow the link to read this brilliant insight into Pauls growth.

In reply to my comment on his post, he indicated he would like to see what music means a lot to me, so here goes.  

From a very early age I was introduced to classical music.   Beethoven, Bach, Vivaldi and Wagner to name a few.  I could and would sit and listen for hours to the overtures, the ballets and concertos.   There is however one piece of music that gripped me from a hvery first moment I heard it. 

Gustav Holsts The Planets Suite.   

I cannot say when I first heard this music, all I can say is that when I was growing up with his music became my turn to piece.  I could select a particular planet depending on my mood, knowing the music would capture exactly how I was feeling. 
The fast paced opening to a Jupiter catches me every time.  The music builds to a crescendo  before dropping down to a sedate ‘World in Union ‘ then onto a fantasy, fairyland section towards the end.   Totally sublime. 
In contrast, Mars, opens in dramatic style.  It’s dark and mysterious.  The use of drums and symbols signifying the god of war, warn of potential fiery and dramatic landscapes.   
Saturn is sedate and in some respects tranquil compared to the previous planets I’ve mentioned.  
The next piece of music, was on a double cassette bought for me by my mum.  She bought it  whilst I was in the hospital starting chemotherapy.  It tells of dispair, sorrow and hope.  It tells of the human spirit, ‘ The Spirit of Man ‘ I took a lot of hope from this piece of music, it helped me immensly during my early months of treatment. 
Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of War of the Worlds. 

Wow, right from the opening piece of the incredible  narration of the prologue from Richard Burton, to the final note in Epilogue Part 2, everything about it was perfect.  The highs and lows of the songs. 
Phil Lynot as Parson Nathanial – what a voice, such passion in his role. David Essex as the Artilliary Man, the way he changes through the piece to the deranged individual during the song ‘ Brave New World ‘ -arguably his best piece of work.   
Next is a song that is quite a new entry to my go to list.  During my issues, I’ve often struggled to be positive about the outcome of various treatments.  There are times when I have felt so low and depressed, it has taken me days to round to being my normal happy self.  I had heard this song many times before but it never really clicked with me.  It was last year, whilst recovering from my heart operation that the lyrics finally hit home and brought me to my senses
Journey – Don’t Stop Believing. 

I know it’s a song about a girl and boy, but the overall messsage of believing in the future, believing in your fate means a great deal to me.  
This next piece could be seen as coming from left field.  It’s a piece of music that I find amuses me.  Even though it’s a serious piece of music, it cheers me up during bad times.  I was first introduced to this artist back in about 1985.  During this time I was active doing my Duke of a Edinburgh Award and had met some truly amazing people. Two of these people were sisters,  Judith and Janet.  They were into rock music and hated things like Bros, Wham etc.  One day they brought in a tape and played a piece of music
Rick Wakeman – Journey to the Centre of the Earth. 

What a genius.  So many sounds, so many emotions in a single piece of music.   I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.   I could pick out numerous keyboards,  chords and notes. The highs and lows of each section. The way the listener is drawn into the world is brought the music. I fell in love with the whole rock opera genre. 
I could continue listing pieces of music.    There are many others which hold special meaning to me, but the above four have been the most prominent in my life so far.  
I could list the Gladiator soundtrack, so powerful, so emotional.   I could mention U2 The Joshua  Tree, the first rock album I fell for. The Rocky Horror soundtrack,  I do a great karaoke version of Sweet Transvestite.  The Cult, The Jam, Neil Diamond and Dolly Parton are all on my play list. 
So there you have it, possibly a surprise or two here but these are the music of my life so far.  

List your music of your life.  

How much pain can one individual endure ?

There are many types of pain.  Just think for a moment of what kind of pain you have endured in the past.  A stubbed toe, tooth ache, head aches maybe even a broken bone or two.  All these are physical pain, they can and do cause discomfort.  Eventually this type of pain will dissipate, will subside and disappear until the next time.  
Now think of a time you have endured mental or emotional pain.  What did you come up with ? I’d like to hazard a guess that you struggled to remember any time you have experienced this type of pain.  Why do you think that is ? 
Subconsciously we are programmed to ignore mental or emotional pain for some reason. We cry when a relative, friend or even a pet dies.   We may feel anger at a relationship breakup.  What ever we feel, we do not associate with mental or emotional pain.     
Let’s take a look at a case study.  Me.  Yes, that’s correct, let’s use my life experiences as a discussion point.  
If you have read my previous blogs, you will know that at the age of 14 I was disgnosed with lymphoma. Try and take a moment to think of what emotions I went though.  
Ok, what did you come up with ? 
Anger ? Yes, I was angry, back in those days hearing the word cancer was a death sentence. 
Apprehension ? Yes, would I die from this thing ?
Sorrow ? Be honest, how many of you thought of sorrow ? My sorrow was for my family and how would they cope ?
Hope ? Again, how many of you came up with that one ?  The way the doctors were talking to me and my parents, give hope that I could get through this.  

These are just a few of the emotions I went through at that time. Now try and process all those emotions plus others such as fear, lonelyness and uncertainty to name a few into a mental state.  Seven emotions, all happening at the same time, would be enough to send many people crazy.  Imagine being a 14 year old.  The mental capacity of a 14 year isn’t that great.   Once you put all the above into it, you have to either grow up pretty fast or crumble under the weight of so many emotions.  
Ok. Now I’m living with all these emotions, trying to live a normal life.  By normal I mean apart for hospital vsirs for check ups, scans, blood tests and x rays etc.  Normal as in taking up to 27 tablets a day.  The emotional drain on a human body in these circumdtanc s is immense. The cocktail of drugs mask the symptoms of other ailments.  
For years I was treated for high blood pressure. It was only after being admitted to hospital a number of times for low potassium levels, dangerously high blood pressure and chest pains was something called Conns Syndrome diagnosed.   The annoying thing about this is that one consultant a few years earlier tested for this ailment.   It was only after the diagnosis by a different consultant at a different hospital did this get sorted.  It resulted in m having an adrenal gland removed.   When I went to see the consultant who tested for this previously and told him what was said at the other hospital he put his head in his hands and said ‘ oh my god, we tested for this two year ago but the test was voided as the blood was taken in the wrong coloured vial ‘ 
Concider that for a moment.  A high rank by consultant admitting they messed up.  Suzanne was ready for sueing the hospital trust, she wanted blood.  I don’t blame her.  All I wanted was to continue with whatever life I was having.  
So now, once again I’m feeling anger, disappointment,  betrayal and frustration.  Once again I was have no to deal with all these emotions which had a massive effect on my mental being.   Having dealt with the emotions associated with cancer and the continued emotions of the follow up appointments at which new ailments are being suggested such as scarring on my lungs, damage to my heart and enough hormone issues which would allow me to become an endocrine doctor lol, all these constantly strive to push me to my emotional limits.   I’m also dealing with the after effects of having open heart surgery 12 months ago.  My recovery is taking a long time he to complications arising from radiotherapy and years of popping pills.   
In a previous post, I mentioned that I hide a lot of things very well.  Keeping a happy demeanour is physically draining.   When I have so much going on.  Try and image how much emotional and mental pain I’m going through. Whatever you think, treble it if not more.  
My question therefore to you is – how much more can I take ? How much longer can I continue with the happy face ?  
Think about your emotional and mental pain, who did / do you turn to ? 
Remember none is alone,  pick up the phone and talk to someone.  Go and have a brew with people.   Talk about what your going through.  It does help, believe me.